I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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