apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have fence marks all over my body
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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