I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!