Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before

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  (828): what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before http://tfl.nu/qvbs
  Replies (7) Good night (780) Bad night (3190)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I had better be fucking involved with step four.

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  (614): Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez. (1-614): I had better be fucking involved with step four. http://tfl.nu/poz4
  Replies (46) Good night (5493) Bad night (1052)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old

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  (972): It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old http://tfl.nu/d8tm
  Replies (24) Good night (1005) Bad night (5438)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions

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  (407): at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions http://tfl.nu/ea5m
  Replies (20) Good night (4783) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

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  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (1110) Bad night (9072)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.

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  (412): words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing. http://tfl.nu/a6am
  Replies (45) Good night (1522) Bad night (7021)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Grandpa would have been proud

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  (815): Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out. (815): Grandpa would have been proud http://tfl.nu/nrjc
  Replies (13) Good night (5940) Bad night (1338)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.

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  (703): no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing. http://tfl.nu/bnv5
  Replies (33) Good night (5651) Bad night (1393)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.

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  (612): In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures. http://tfl.nu/oo7z
  Replies (7) Good night (2360) Bad night (1254)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.

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  (484): The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread. http://tfl.nu/tsab
  Replies (1) Good night (2715) Bad night (781)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life

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  (907): Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life http://tfl.nu/0u5y
  Replies (2) Good night (1594) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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  (+61): Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers http://tfl.nu/a2tk
  Replies (7) Good night (1215) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?

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  (931): it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work? http://tfl.nu/q0sm
  Replies (7) Good night (635) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.

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  (931): He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that. http://tfl.nu/egbd
  Replies (1) Good night (688) Bad night (255)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?

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  (519): Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right? http://tfl.nu/50mu
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (247)

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