Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just blew my weed a kiss
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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