i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
