He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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