Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
