Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
