Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
