Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
