This is not my ceiling
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
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