Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
