____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
