I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
