you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
