mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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