How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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