I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I forget how to act sober
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
