All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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