Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
