home. puking in laundry basket.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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