the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh god it's open bar.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
