i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
