Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
