Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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