i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
