Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
