dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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