I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
