I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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