Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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