Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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