All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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