You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
im having a threesome with these popsicles
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
