i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
