Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
