All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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