In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We are all done wearing pants today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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