My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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