The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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