well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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