wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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