i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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