she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
