Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
