How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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