I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
