he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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