i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
