I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
