Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My liver just had a heart attack.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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