Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
