Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
