great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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