We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
