Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
