We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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