so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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