maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize