Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
