foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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