i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
