I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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