Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
