I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
