new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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