He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
And then he peed in my hair
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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