you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
