glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
