hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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