my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
