Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize