this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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