i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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